She's 17!!

Today is this gorgeous girls birthday!!

 

She's pretty much amazing. I don't know what I would do without her. I can give you 17 good reasons to have a friend like her:

1. She will listen to you when you cry.
2. She will imitate teachers with you.
3. She will give you looks and you know exactly what she's saying with her looks.
4. She will make you re-enact your first kiss.
5. She will take you on many adventures.
6. She will make you laugh everyday.
7. She will throw little tantrums and you have to assure her that everything will be ok.
8. She will name anything and everything.
9. She will tell you how her body feels and/or how you feel.
10. She will teach you how to love to dance.
11. She will ask a guy to Sadie's for you (even though you don't want to go)
12. She will send you hilarious texts that you have to save on your phone just so you can read them later.
13. She will tell you her honest opinion.
14. She will give your mother love advice.
15. She will give you advice.
16. She will be patient, even though you've told her/talked to her about the same problem a million times.
17. She will be the best friend you or anyone could ask for.

 I am so lucky to have such a wonderful friend!!

 

Love you BABE!

It SUCKS!

Nobody likes getting their heartbroken. It's not something someone looks forward to and it's not something you can prepare yourself for. I personally had no idea how much pain a heartbreak could cause, until it happened. I went into a relationship knowing that I was going to get hurt in the end, but there was no way for me to prepare myself for the pain that was to come.

Months have passed and I'm still not over this boy. I've watched as my friend has had her heartbroken and it's brought back so many memories that still hurt. I watch as she hurts and I hurt for her. I like to think that I can help her and give her advice, but how can you give someone advice when you still need advice yourself? I still need closure that I have no idea how to get.

I read this quote the other day, "Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be." It's so true, but in the moment of such heartache it's hard to believe. It's hard to think logically. Friends will tell you to get over him and that you're way to good for him and even though you know it's true, you still don't believe it. You still wonder why and you still want things to go back to the way they once were.

It's hard to talk to people about such heartache when you are 16. Because you can't possibly know anything about love when you're 16 years old. I hate saying that I loved him, because everyone questions that. Telling me that I don't even know what love is. How does anyone really know what love is? Since when does it have one criteria?

To put it into two words, IT SUCKS! I honestly didn't know such pain existed. As cheesy as that sounds it's true. I know that I will continue to get heartbroken, but I wonder if it will ever get easier? I hope so, because this feeling sucks, and I'm tired of feeling it. I'm in a funk that I can't seem to shake. I wish he cared about all the damage he's caused me, but he doesn't. The worst part is, if he called me today and wanted to hangout again, I, without hesitation would do it.

Gratitude

Thanksgiving this year was pretty great.

I have so much to be grateful for!

There's a first time for everything

Today I got in my first car accident. Let's just say I would highly advise you to pay attention while driving, I've heard it helps. Just saying.

Two Years Seems WAY Too Far Away

These two lovely young men enter the M.T.C. tomorrow.

I know that they will make GREAT missionaries, but I don't want to see them go.  They will do great things! I miss them already. I knew I was running out of time, but it came too fast. I hung out with Jeremy as much as I could, but in the end it still wasn't enough. 

Then his farewell came around, and it still hadn't quite set in.

Today he called me and informed me that he was at the High School. My stomach began to churn. I didn't want this time to come. I small chatted and tried to dance around the subject. Then he said he had to go. As I was holding back tears I walked him to his car. After we said goodbye I started walking into the High School. Before I knew it I had tears running down my face. I didn't think I would really cry, but there I was. 

Both Jeremy and Danny will make great missionaries. They will be a blessing in many peoples lives. Although I am going to miss them deeply I wish them both the best of luck!!

Bro Tip #4328

If you smell good it makes you 10 times hotter!

The escaped feeling

Tonight I felt something I haven't felt in a long time. A feeling that I've missed. The feeling where your heart skips a beat, because you're with him or the feeling of butterflies when you accidentally touch. I miss the gitty feeling of having a "crush." For so long these feelings have escaped me. I haven't felt like this for a long time. I almost forgot what it felt like. Only problem is the boy that's giving me these feelings is leaving on his mission in t-minus 21 days. I worry that the feeling will leave with him. I will try and use up all the time I have left with this boy. But for now it's good to know that the feelings are slowly coming back.

First Kiss

Every girl dreams of the day she will get her first kiss. The more you get older the more you dream. You get your hopes up for this perfect fairytale scene:

The harsh reality is no first kiss is like this. As girls we set our expectations very high. My expectations were exceptionally high. I wanted it to be the perfect fairytale, but when it came it was quite the opposite. I blame movies for this false expectation. Movies make it look so glamorous.

Sure it was at sunset, but it wasn't how I thought it would be. I was scared. I didn't know what I was doing, but I went for it anyways. After dreaming about it for so long it was nothing like I had hoped it would be. I'm pretty sure I should be twitter patted or something, but I'm not at all.

First kisses are always going to be awkward and quite frankly, weird. But one good thing that came out of all of this is I don't have to worry about the pressure of my first kiss anymore.

High school seems to be harder this year. I'm not quite sure what it is. I don't have much motivation to get my homework done. My grades aren't too hot, and I don't really care. I need to care and I tell myself to care, but I just don't. I keep telling myself that I'll fix it later, but I'm running out of time.

Wonder why this picture is here? Well it's because I got a job at good old Papa Murphy's. That's right. Kind of a big deal. Feel free to come visit. Things are starting to look up.

Today.......is not my day.

As of today I've decided

[ Insert Pathetic Title here ]

I've been hurting a lot lately. I've been missing him far too much. I've been reminiscing about my summer with him, and wishing so badly that things were the same. Some days are better than others, but today is bad. Today I've been thinking about him, and it hurts. Whenever I think that I'm over him something happens that brings me back to the reality that I'm not.

I have recently had this great guy interested in me, and no matter how hard I tried to like him, like that, I didn't. He made me feel like I was the best girl in the world. This boy was a great distraction from the other one that had hurt me so badly. I finally had to talk to this boy and tell him my feelings. I didn't want to lead him on and the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him. I told him the truth. I told him about this other boy and how I wasn't quite over him.

Everyone knows that I am the Queen of one week "crushes." I should have at least 3 by now, but I don't. I haven't felt that towards anyone lately. I want to be over him so badly. I want to feel secure about things again. I'm sick of my heart hurting. Before when people would tell me they were, "heart broken," I just thought it was dumb. I thought it was easy to get over, but now that I've experienced it, it's not. It hurts. I've never felt this kind of pain before.

Although we shared a summer together it has become apparent  that we have changed. I miss the boy I thought he was. I miss the relationship I thought we had. I tend to see him everywhere at school, but when I see him now, I almost don't recognize the boy I spent my summer with. 

In Remembrance

Ten years ago I walked into my moms room at the exact moment that BREAKING NEWS came on. I was in first grade. I didn't know exactly what was going on, but I knew by moms reaction that it wasn't something good. I watched as they replayed the towers being hit, I watched as the air became full of smoke, and  I watched as people ran around the streets.

As I've gotten older I've learned more about this horrible day in our Nations history. A couple of years ago a movie called, "Remember Me" came out. It was a typical love story until the end. The story was leading up to the attack of 9/11. Thing with movies is by the end of the movie you feel like you know that character. This movie made me cry. It gave me a different perspective.

Today on the 10th anniversary I honor those who lost their lives and the families of those who lost loved ones. They will forever be known as heroes. 

The mysterious note leaver

School is school. And today was just another school day. Nothing good and nothing bad. After school there was a Math review. Not fun! Right after the Math review I was supposed to go to UVU and get my I.D. Then my mom called and wanted me to run to the store. I was agitated. I didn't have time for this. I left the Math review and ran out to my car. As I opened the door to my car I saw a yellow note on my windshield. Swearing in my head, I reluctantly went to see this note, that I then thought, was a ticket. To my pleasant surprise I found this:

"Hi! Remember who you are and smile. You never know who is falling in love with it. Be yourself dearest child."

Not that I was having a bad day, but this definitely made me feel good. Thank you to the mysterious note leaver.

Welcome Back

I haven't blogged in awhile. Whoops! I guess that's what school does to you, it keeps you busy. Junior Year. I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. Classes are hard, homework is overwhelming, and people are annoying. There are some good things, seeing everyone again, actually having something to do, and becoming smarter? Sure. I only have three classes with Mattie, which is not nearly enough considering I don't have any other classes with many other friends.

Spirit Team & English are my two favorite classes. Pre Cal kills me, AP Biology overloads me with homework, and Spanish frustrates me. Mr. Newman is probably one of my favorite teachers. He is hilarious and makes history fun. My English teacher is great. I can only imagine what the new comers think of her. Gordon Moses  makes me want to curl up and die. Mattie and I enjoy the way he says his W's.

I've decided that I kind of miss sophomore year. Did I just say that? I didn't think I would ever want to go back, but I do. I didn't realize how good I had it then. The sophomores this year kind of drive me crazy. I'm pretty sure I wasn't as annoying as them. It's a phase, they'll get over it, hopefully.

It's hard not having my Seniors at school with me everyday. I feel a little lost without them. I kind of refuse to visit the circle bench, because it makes me sad. Until.......

The spaz attack I had when I saw these two sitting on the bench. I love them so much. They make my life better. Christiaan leaves tomorrow for Hawaii. That punk. He truly is the ultimate beach bum. Jono will be around so we don't have to worry there. They made my day so much better. They even brought their pack packs. Just like old times.

People either HATE their Junior year or they LOVE it! I'll try and make the most of it and LOVE it!!

Bros before Hoes

I'm not quite sure this title works for this post in the actual sense, but it's whatever. I'm in a bit of a situation. It's actually much like #7 on this list. Why is it that even though you are really good friends with a guy you get left in the dark when some other girl comes along? I don't quite understand it. It shouldn't be like that.

I guess this could happen with girlfriends too though. When they get a boyfriend it's new and exciting so they spend a majority of their time with them. I guess it's just so foreign to me, that I wouldn't know. I've heard stories of when this has happened, but it's never happened to me.

I have a friend who had a best friend who was a guy. They were inseparable. Everyone thought that they would end up getting married and living happily ever after, until her best friend met some other girl. He began to hang out with her more and more and forget about my friend. As time went on they became more and more distant. Then one day this kid decides to marry this other girl. Wait? What? Not cool. They went from being best friends to distant acquaintances.

This CAN'T be me. I hate that. Why is it like this? I honestly just don't understand it. I wish I knew what crazy thoughts go through a boys mind. I really do. I wonder if I understood if it would even help. I'm not quite sure.

I'm jealous of every girl who has ever

hugged you, because for that one moment

they held my entire world

tears are like kisses,

the only real ones are the ones you

can't hold back.

Never make someone your everything

Because when they are gone you have nothing.

You will never know true pain until you look into the eyes

of someone you love, and they look away.

The scars are nothing compared to the pain that put them there.

Goodbye is only painful when you know you can never say "hello," again.

I read this somewhere and it made me think. It's true. As cheesy and pathetic as it is, it's true. This summer I made this boy my everything, and now that he's gone and found someone else I kind of feel lost. Although I had a "crush" on him that's not what I miss the most. I miss his company. I miss our hour long heart to hearts. But the thing I miss the most is the friendship I thought we had. 

I don't like this one bit

Saturday, the day had finally come. The day where I had to send my little friends off to college. I knew it would be hard, but the brutal goodbye was much worse then I ever thought it would be. Everything was fine when we were driving up there and even when we were moving things in, but when everything was set up things began to kick in.

Kaydee and I had pulled an all nighter before so she was tired, but I was sitting there thinking. Thinking about all the great times we had had with these kids. Thinking about the circle bench that they wouldn't be at everyday. Thinking about the brothers and sisters that wouldn't be there to protect me this next year. Thinking about how they were all moving on and leaving Kaydee and I behind.

When the time came to leave I couldn't handle it. Tears burning in my eyes, rolling down my face. I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to leave them up there all by myself. Kaydee turned to Andrew and said, "Can you come home now?" I lost it. That's when it sunk in that they wouldn't be in the same city as us anymore. They were going to be 2 hours away. A long 2 hours.

Kaydee and I have said for months that we will go up there every weekend, skype everyday, and call Andrew in between every class. But in all reality they will have better things to do. Sure, Kaydee and I will have nothing better to do, but they will. As unrealistic as going up there every weekend is I want it to come true.

I want to go to college. Who needs Junior and Senior year? Not me. Going to school without them is hard. Going to the circle bench and not seeing them there is sad. Kaydee didn't want to go over there on the first day of school because she said, "I'm going to be able to picture Andrew sitting there."

This picture was taken on my phone so it's pretty crappy, but there it is. Random people thinking they get to sit on the bench. I swear. I've been begging many of the Seniors to come back. They may not miss high school, but high school misses them. So please class of 2011, feel free to return to Pleasant Grove High School, it would be much appreciated.

Just some MORE tips : (Sophomore Addition)

Today is Sophomore day. I remember Sophomore day like it was yesterday. Being a sophomore is scary at first. So let me try and help this years sophomores with a few tips:

1. The school really isn't that big, you'll get used to it.
2. There are a million people in the halls on real school days, learn to weave through people.
3. Try not to let Juniors and Seniors intimidate you. They really aren't as cool as they may think.
4. Beyond belief classes get harder, be willing to work.
5. Be willing to meet new people and make new friends.
6. Teachers aren't always as scary as they may seem.
7. The first semester is rough, hold out and it'll get better.
8. There are many bells. Don't let them overwhelm you, you'll learn what they mean.
9. Try not to procrastinate ( I'm a total hippocrate by saying this, but I'm sure it would help )
10. I know that when you are a sophomore you seem to think that you don't have enough time to get to and from classes, you do. There's no need to run.

Number ten is most important. Although, I do love watching people run through the halls. It's pretty much one of my favorite things. Sophomores, high school is a great time! Be excited and live it up!!

Change

The other day I made a change. Kind of a drastic one. It was also kind of a costly change. Probably too much, but schools starting, you have to do something. Right? Many people have commented on this change, but the one person I wanted to notice, didn't say anything. His friends complimented as he looked at me puzzled.

This really shouldn't bug me as much as it does. It hurt. I was excited for his reaction, and when I didn't get one I was hurt.

Currently I have my feeling "on," but I kind of want them to be "off." Clearly I need feelings to be living, but the feelings I currently have, I don't like. They were good at first, but now they are just painful. In a way, I wanted this change to catch his attention. Pathetic? I know. The problem is no matter how many times I tell myself, "You're better off without him anyways," I can't seem to get myself to believe it. I'm not quite sure which I'd rather believe, that you never did care, or you that you just stopped.

Maybe one of these days I will be able to turn the switch to off and stop caring about you.

She :

- Forces me to eat.
- Let's me cry to her about my problems.
- Gives me great advice.
- Offers to buy me school clothes, in which I respond, "You're insane."
- Has a strong impact in my life.
- Is the "Gilmore" to my "Girl"
- Has HUGE dreams.
- Claims she's selfish, when really she's not.
- Makes me laugh.
- Has taught me that boys are always stupid, and really  never grow out of it.
- Is sometimes blind.

And:

- Truly inspires me. Thanks for all you do. Love you!!

So there's this boy . . .

Let's be real, when is there not some boy? I'm pretty pro at switching the guy I like from time to time. This boy writes music, then plays it for me. This boy talks to me for hours just about life. This boy sends me texts that I read over and over again, because they make me so happy. This boy gives me butterflies. This boy knows all the right things to say.

This Summer has been an up and down roller coaster with one guy. Many blog posts have been inspired by him, but then this new guy came around. He makes me feel like there is hope out there. There is hope with another guy. He makes me feel like I deserve someone special.

I really hope you find someone that's worth you. I really do. Some lucky prince is going to sweep you off your feet, and he will be something you cant even imagine at this point.

And the text that made my heart skip a beat:

As much as i would have liked to deny it back then, I always thought you were cute. Well, I still do.

This boy shows me that there are good guys out there. Who would have known? I've been in such a funk over this one boy, but in reality it's not worth it and neither is he. It's nice to know that there is hope out there, somewhere. It's nice to know that somewhere out there, there are good boys that treat you like you are everything and more. You just have to find them.

Just some tips : (Boys addition)

I've been thinking about boys a lot lately, shocker I know. I realize that boys probably don't read my blog or anyone for that matter, but I've come up with some tips. Some tips for boys (in no particular order)

1. Text girls first, it will make their day.
2. Don't say you'll hang out with a girl and then bail last minute.
3. Make the first move.
4. If you think a girl likes you and you don't like them back, tell them. It'll help in the long run.
5. When a girl says "never mind" or "forget it" she really wants you to keep asking her about it.
6. When a girl hasn't texted you for a while she's waiting for you to text her. It's kind of a test, make sure you pass.
7. If you have a girl that's your friend, don't leave her hanging when you find some other hoe.
8. If a girl is holding her arm awkwardly on an arm chair, she wants you to hold her hand.
9. If you notice something different about a girl ask then compliment her on it. She wants you to notice.
10. ASK GIRLS ON DATES

These are some tips that I've come up with. Number 10 is probably one of my biggest tips. I've talked to boys recently who  say they don't ask girls on date in fear of being rejected. It's a legitimate reason, but girls want you to go on dates and they aren't going to be the one to ask for the date, so just do it. I can promise you that a girl won't say no just because she doesn't want to. She may say no because she has something else going on, but not because she doesn't want to go with you.

I thought I'd help some boys out by writing this post, although, once again I'm sure no boys read my blog, but they are here anyways. Take it or leave it.

I'm coming HOME!

It's been three weeks and although I've had many great adventures I am ready to come home. I've been missing my friends and the many adventures we have together. I feel like I've been gone FOREVER! Three weeks is kind of a long time. I have enjoyed spending time in my future home, but it's time.
So today I leave this:

And I coming home to:

Watch out PG, Zoe's coming back!!

Some call me - Dr. Mann

People that really know me know that I love Dr. Phil. I watch him as often as possible and take what he says to heart. I even wrote to him one day and was called by his producer, but anyways. I like to pretend I am like Dr. Phil. People turn to me for advice and I often feel like I help them, but do I really help them? Who knows? I hope I do.

 

One thing I often help with is, relationship problems. It's actually funny, because have I been in a relationship? No. Yet I can ramble off all kind of stuff that in my mind would "help" that situation. I first hand can't tell you anything, because I haven't been there. I often feel stupid when I try and help people with this problem, because in reality I don't know what I'm talking about. This is where Dr. Phil comes into play. Since I watch him and know what he says about certain situations I just say what he says. Am I copying? Possibly, but advice like his deserves to be shared.

I wrote one of my friends a letter while here in California. I thought that this letter would help a little bit with a problem, but I don't know if it really did. Here are a few key points:

I hear you say that you don't know your purpose, but let's be real, who does? I think that we are at the age where we are trying to figure things like that out. We are trying to figure out who we are, what we want to do in life, and in general what kind of person we hope to become. But even as we grow up I don't think we ever really know our ONE try purpose; there doesn't have to be just one. 

It hurts me to see you hurt. I don't want you to feel the way you do. I so badly want to solve your problem for you; make it all better, but I can't. I know that you are strong enough to get through this little bump in the road. You truly are one of the most amazing people I know. Try not to forget it. If you forget, which I'm sure you will, I will be there to remind you.

I was hesitant even thinking about sending it, but I took a chance and sent it. There was a lot more to the letter, but this is all I will share with the blogging world. Even if it helped this person only a little bit, it's worth it. I'm the kind of person who wants to fix everyone else problems. But I can't always do that. All I can do is be there for support.

I've always wanted to be the kind of person who people come to for help and advice. I want to be the person that people can trust and know that I will be there no matter what. If I don't go into law I'm pretty sure I'd be a therapist. So if you ever need a listening ear, I'm here and I don't even charge.

Mather

Dirt, dirt, and some more dirt. Welcome to Camp Mather. Everyone knows I do NOT camp. I just don't do it. I don't like the dirt or the feeling of being dirty. I hate bugs with a passion, especially when they add to my zit collection on my face. I don't know what it is about camping that I hate so much, but why stay in a tent when you could be in your nice warm house? Doesn't make sense to me at all.

Mather is a little bit better. You stay in a cabin and there are showers. My mom and Ellie have been going to Mather for the last 3 years. Ellie of course loves it. She loves the outdoors. I went for the first time last year and then again this year. There is a ton of stuff to do: relax at the lake, water wars on the lake, horse back riding, and many more. Here are some of the things we did:

The Cabin

Water War (We clearly won every time)

Met a random baby who helped us play cards

Played guitar

Braided A LOT of hair

And got some sun

 Although camping isn't my thing, I had a ton of fun!!

Maria Maria

I have been at Don's for the last couple days. I LOVE him! We have some great times. Last year when I stayed with him we went to a restaurant called Maria Maria. I got this HUGE burrito. Basically the size of my head. We had this very attractive waiter and I made a bet with him. He said that if I could finish this burrito he would buy we dessert. My response, "I will take that challenge." So began the stomachache, but I was determined to finish. After about an hour I had finished this giant burrito. The waiter bought me dessert, but I was way to full to eat it.

Naturally when I came this year going back to this restaurant was high priority. Last night we went back to Maria Maria's. After searching the menu for a good fifteen minutes I found the burrito I had had last year. Here is a picture view of this burritos life:

WOW! For some reason I wasn't in as much pain as I was last year. This last picture is for shows. I kept telling Don that I swear the burrito got smaller, but he claims I'm crazy. Here are some more pictures from last night:

 

"SCOTT, BACK UP!!" - Don

Last night was pretty great. Thanks Don and Scott for everything!

Strike a Pose

My camera is with me, always. I basically capture every moment. I capture moments that many people would rather not see. Most of the time my friends get annoyed, because I am constantly taking pictures.
As I was going through my pictures the other day I noticed that I have millions of pictures of all my friends, but none of just me. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't need a profile picture for facebook, or even this blog.

If I was more photogenic than maybe I would have more pictures of me. There are rare days that I actually look good in pictures. This is once again very rare. When I do get pictures of me I'm always with other people. I don't have any of just me and me only. So I've decided that I need to have a photo shoot sometime soon. Now all I need is a photographer.....