Change

The other day I made a change. Kind of a drastic one. It was also kind of a costly change. Probably too much, but schools starting, you have to do something. Right? Many people have commented on this change, but the one person I wanted to notice, didn't say anything. His friends complimented as he looked at me puzzled.

This really shouldn't bug me as much as it does. It hurt. I was excited for his reaction, and when I didn't get one I was hurt.

Currently I have my feeling "on," but I kind of want them to be "off." Clearly I need feelings to be living, but the feelings I currently have, I don't like. They were good at first, but now they are just painful. In a way, I wanted this change to catch his attention. Pathetic? I know. The problem is no matter how many times I tell myself, "You're better off without him anyways," I can't seem to get myself to believe it. I'm not quite sure which I'd rather believe, that you never did care, or you that you just stopped.

Maybe one of these days I will be able to turn the switch to off and stop caring about you.